-ME-

Thursday, January 29, 2009

These I give to You

There are many days when I dream

Of what could be & what has been

Of power, fame & royalty

Of bliss indulgences in fantasy

Before me my mind’s 3 strides ahead

To find the person I’ll never be

To have things with jewels spread

To own more than perfect eyes can see

To live a life no others live

Be beauty, wealth, personified

To live a life with everything

That crave Man’s delight

But I should not think

This wicked way

For all glory’s not mine

Not mine, I say!

Open my clasped hands,

My heart, I pray.

For I want to give You

These things today.

Gillianwrote.
9:40 PM

Sunday, October 26, 2008

So beautiful she once was

Her face was full, alive!

The many works her hand did do

To make the old revive.

And then came he

Whose hands were cruel

To break her heart

To take her all.

And cause her to

Become so small

If only he would listen,

Hear her call.

Oh Mother Nature

So divine

You should have fought,

You were too kind.

Man’s cruel hands

Destroyed your youth,

Till your heart wrenched

Too late to soothe.

Gillianwrote.
9:50 PM

Oohh... I'm back... at least to post up some poems.

On the pew where I did sit

And pondered on Life’s bitter sweet;

Till earnestly at last I sought

The face I knew but I forgot.

My heart did stir

Within my breast

Till felt a tear

It wouldn’t rest.

A still small whisper

My heart heard;

To keep in prayer

To know His word.

“Fear me my child,

Oh come seek my face;

Spend a little while

Within my grace.”

“Not my will,

But Yours be done;

I’ll be still,

Cease my run.

Draw me close and hold me tight

Make me be Your great delight.

Come take my mind, my heart, my soul,

Warm it up, this heart so cold.”

My heart did know

I was to change

Immediately so?

Out of my range!

But inside my heart

I now know

A fire did start

And begin to grow.

Gillianwrote.
9:27 PM

Saturday, February 09, 2008

I was just laying in my bed at night... and thoughts just came to me. How all the ang paos i get, the luxury of an air-conditioned room with a comfy bed... the monthly pocket money... everything that i have (including friends and loved ones), i do not deserve. I could have been someone in the slums... a beggar... All that we have are the Lord's, truly. And that is why we should obey when the Lord asks us to care and feed "the least of these"... and u also do it as u do to the Lord.
But oh how tightly we hold on to these things... It is indeed easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle! Toying with the idea to go on a mission trip. I feel that the Lord is calling me to some sort of missions... but it's so blur still. It started when i was in year 2 in NUS... same time as when i got to know yc better. Hee...
This is a burden on my heart that i'm just letting out for anyone who wants to read. It just came so strong last night... that these things are so temporal... but yet with the knowledge of it, i still find it so hard to lay all of it down.. to be willing to give it up if there is a need. Wait... there is a need... so much need... around the world... even here. The pple seeling tissue... the pple in homes... I sometimes wonder why my family spends so much on dinners and stuff... and kind of feel guilty...
Oh well... on a lighter note... CNY has been a good time of rest and play.. (Bohnanza!) My sleep deprivation session is tmr! I hope i can keep my eyes open, especially while doing the human reactions tasks, and also in the fMRI.
Gong Xi Gong Xi to all those out there! May the Lord bless you all to bless others.

Gillianwrote.
10:39 PM

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Gillian needs to be contented about all she has in her life.

I received a gift box one day,
I opened to look inside.
If i said i thought t'was good,
You would know i lied.

I found a purse with but few coins,
A train ticket for one.
I saw a freindship band,
Old and discolored from the sun.

I found a broken record tape,
An old book of fairy tales.
There was a mended paper heart,
And some book on falling quails.

I looked up from my box around me,
Discontent with my gift.
Into the boxes if others peeked,
Till the lid of one did lift.

There was no purse,
No ticket.
No friendship bands
In it.
No tape,
A paper heart
With some tears
And a cut.
A book of fairy tales
Like mine,
And a great book,
holy, divine.

I looked to see the owner's face.
Where a pleasant smile did hang.
She was content with all she had
With no voice, she sang.

A cross in the distance,
I did see.
And the girl she carried her gift
there gently.
She placed it down
At the cross and knelt
And said a prayer
So heartfelt.

Tears came to me
As i did the same.
As i surrendered all
His Spirit came.
'All these I'll take
Into my hands.
Don't hesitate,
There's no "depends".'
"I'll give you greater gifts than these
If you trust me with this box.
Right now be content with it
No matter what it costs."

I looked up and nodded,
My heart filled with shame.
I looked again in that little box,
And somehow t'was not the same.

Written by... me.

Gillianwrote.
12:26 AM

Friday, October 26, 2007

i don't really know how i've been living the past few weeks... seems like a blur to me... going for VCF events, goind for class, doing work, going out...
these weeks have been... challenging? It's like someone has put all my insecurities in front of me and laughs wickedly seeing me cringe and hide into the imaginary hole i've dug. And at the moment i'm struggling to climb out of it... with God's help, yc's and the help of a listening ear (thanks, u know who u are).

It really is terrible to feel this way... like ur self-esteem just gets crushed into a paper ball. To find my identity in smthg more important than worldly measures.. that's my prayer.

There's always someone lurking behind trying to tell me that i'm no good. That i'm not enough. But faith is trusting what God says. If He says i'm precious, i am! And for those out there who constantly go into low self-esteem relapse, YOU'RE PRECIOUS TOO!

=) Trying to see my worth slowly... i haven't gone to the pits... I just need to seek for answers, to know that this life isn't the end.

God of all creation. God of the universe (yes, the module taught me loads...). God of the thing that's smaller than an atom. God of me.
How could there be aetheists? When u learn of the universe, the order, the cycles... the detail... i know my life is not my own.

Gillianwrote.
1:24 AM

Friday, September 28, 2007

It's one of those days where i just feel mildly depressed. There probably is a reason, but yeah... blogs are just too public.
Sometimes.. i think i place too much expectation on others and myself. I think it's not right, but i can't help asking why things are not another way; "better". The number of 'why's i ask is almost uncountable. I get angry with myself sometimes coz of this.

Random stuff:
1) Oh well... went shopping on wed with nette!! Finally got my sports shoes! Riddle (blame nette is it's not funny): what happens when a cow goes to Antratica? Neu-bei-leng-si (new balance). That's the brand of me shoes! (sorry, lazy to take pic, but if anyone wants to go running........)

2) Bored to death at home now... trying to study and trying to qualify to enter nerdland with debs.

3) I had a really weird dream last night. I dreamt i was walking home from somewhere at night. And then i saw pink panther in front of me striding. So i went "de-dem.de-dem. de-dem-de-dem-de-dem-de-dem-de-dem.... tededeedum" (the pink panther tune) He looked at me from the corner of his eye, gave me a look then ignored me until i caught up with him.
Then we were walking into a tunnel and diagonally below us was another tunnel. A man looked up from the tunnel and somehow or other (coz i don't recall pinky talking) i knew he was after pink panther. It was easy to spot pink panther coz... well, he is bright pink. Then i took out my pencilcase, decided that i could not use my yellow highlighter to paint pink panther coz it would be even brighter than his current pink, so threw my highlighter away. sadly, the dream ends there.
It was hilarious. I woke up not knowing if i should laugh. It's weird.
That's so much amusement i had for today. Like i said, it was a pretty boring day. Toodles!

Gillianwrote.
7:39 PM

Thursday, September 20, 2007

The girl was swept off her feet,

Onto a gallant horse.

Behind Prince Charming was her seat,

Started her life's new course.

A Princess with many robes,

Yet humble sweet and true;

A castle of many nodes,

All hers, the little pretty fool.

Amongst flowers and gardens she dwell,

With a prince no less than those stories tell.

Any price for this life no one would sell,

At the end t'was always well.

Her childish dreams, all fulfilled;

No need for practicality.

What a million keep longing for,

It was this young thing's reality.

Oh shame those fairytales!

For they don't fail to give false hope.

To the many who once believed it could be true,

For it, in the dark they still grope.

The romantic disappointed. again.

Gillianwrote.
11:45 PM